The prompt for today’s post is the age-old question, “how do you know when you are falling in love”. Everyone is different, and every love is different so how can I possibly answer that question? I have been fortunate enough to love three times and although each time has been different, there have been a few constants along the way in how I felt or “knew” that I was falling.
Instead of making this a long paragraph formed post I’ll just be honest, to the point and simple.
I know I’m falling when…
– I start to see that person differently. It has never been a gradual change. One day I look over and see him in a new light. The glimpse of a smile, the sound of a laugh, and the imperfections become things of beauty.
– I want to be the cause of that laugh or smile more than anything and crave to see it again.
– I want to sit next to him on the sofa, without saying a word, just feeling his presence. I don’t need fancy dinners or extravagant plans; I just want to be with that person.
– Everything reminds me of him. Whether it’s an item in his favorite color or the same vehicle driving down the road, constant reminders keep him on my mind.
– Butterflies fill my stomach at the thought of an evening together.
– The touch of his hand on my cheek or arm feels like electricity against my skin
– I want to be better so we can be the best versions of ourselves…together.
During high school I wrote the following narrative describing an afternoon with my first love. I am so thankful for this experience and time in my life. Every relationship has made me into the person I am today and has taught me about the kind of person I want to be.
The Magic of Rain
My eyes fluttered open as the sound of rain pounded on my window. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and stretched my arms as high as they could go. He was in the room down the hall, sound asleep as usual. I checked my appearance in the oval mirror which lay nestled in my Victorian vanity. Bed hair, wrinkled t-shirt and the eyeliner from the day before smeared under my eyelid; not my best look but it would have to do. I twisted the gold handle and opened my door slowly, knowing that it creeks once it is opened to a certain point, EEEKKKK my door yelled as I opened it too far. “Darn it”, I muttered under my breath, I could never get it just right. I padded down the hallway to his room, forcing the door ajar only enough so that I could squeeze through; I was not taking any chances with this one. The fan was on high speed causing the room to feel as though I had entered a portal to the arctic. I shuddered as a smile spread across my face; he looked so peaceful. I sat on the edge of the bed admiring him for a few seconds. His chocolate brown hair fell across his eyes as they fluttered deep in reverie. His serene face lay motionless on the pillow, the covers slowly rising and falling with every breath he took. He slowly opened his eyes, and I leaned forward to embrace him. He held me close and I could hear the beating of his heart echoing in rhythm with the rain steady pounding on the roof.
The rain had caused our plans for the day to fall through, and I was sad. I sat on the sofa with my head hung low, trying to think of what we could possibly do that would top going to the zoo. We were supposed to spend the day holding hands, looking at the animals and eating a picnic lunch on the grass, a lovely day just the two of us. There was no way that the day could be salvaged, my plans fell through and I was devastated. Nothing, nothing seemed good enough. The day was ruined.
He came into the room and plopped down beside me, bringing my face up with his hand to meet his gaze.
“Why so blue panda bear?” he asked as a frown spread across my face. His hazel eyes peered deep into my soul, knowing why I was sad, and wanting to fix it.
“It’s raining. We can’t do anything,” I said while picking at the hang nail on my right thumb.
He sat still next to me, waiting to see if I would redeem myself and come out of my negative mood, it didn’t happen.
“Well, the way I see it, we have two options, we can both sit inside and be miserable, or we can have fun,” he said. Right then all I wanted to do was sit inside and wallow in my misery, but a part of me also wanted to be happy and spend time with him.
“There’s nothing fun to do,” I said and fell back into my dark hole. I silently said the familiar words in my head to help turn my mood around “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” There was nothing I could do to stop the rain, I needed to accept that my plans were going to fall through and move on, but I couldn’t do it on my own.
He was silent for only a second before lifting his head, a sly smile plastered on his face and a plan brewing in his head.
Five minutes later I was getting dressed into my bikini bottom, matching top, and a small white t-shirt proudly displaying a wire fox terrier wearing a sailor hat, an article of clothing carefully picked out by him from a thrift store bin on another spontaneous trip. What am I doing? I wondered to myself. What had gotten into me? He had on an equally random ensemble consisting of bright yellow gym shorts and no shirt. As for our feet, they were bare. We bounded down the stairs hand in hand yelling to my Mom that we were going out for a while, her response was lost as we slammed the front door on her sentence behind us.
Directly in front of me, I saw nothing but rain, for as far as I could see! I had never seen it rain so hard in my entire life! The sound of the water rushing at the roof above my head was almost deafening. Standing on the porch, we watched the rain thrust itself upon the earth, kicking up mud and burying day old footprints in the dirt. He stepped out from under the protective roof of the porch and held out his hand. I watched the rain hit his biceps. It looked as though each drop stung with every collision.
“Come on!” He yelled as he shook his hair, drenching me in the process.
I took his hand hesitantly, and before I had a chance to think, I was in his arms being swung with my legs trailing behind my body. I squealed with delight and sprang into a full sprint heading straight for the road that led deep into my neighborhood. Running with my bare feet hitting the wet pavement and the smell of fresh clean air overwhelming me, I felt alive, much like the feeling that danced inside my stomach whenever I was with him.
I closed my eyes and felt the water soak my dark mane and run down my back, soaking my shirt and causing it to cling to my torso. He caught up with me as I stopped and doubled over in laughter and exhaustion. As I tried to catch my breath, his lips pressed tightly against mine. We pulled away from each other slowly; I blinked causing tiny droplets to fall from my eye lashes onto my cheek. Giggling, I bit my lip, licking off the fresh water, as he tickled my stomach and pointed at the puddle in front of us. He winked and darted for the body of water, throwing his entire weight into the air and coming down hard on the earth. As I watched him run from puddle to puddle, I slowly lifted my head to the sky, smiled and was thankful.